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SMASH MY FACE IN REVIEWED (finally)

I’m sitting here writing this with a monumental hangover due to over indulgence on the arts centre’s free beer last night. Smash My Face In was a big success for all concerned and now the dust from the smashed garden gnome has settled (long story...) it’s time for the inevitable musings on the proceedings.

I shall review myself last of all. As for the other participants...

Mixomatosis - Took miming to a backing track to new heights of ludicrousness (is that a word?) by nearly breaking his nose on stage! The bootlegs were quality, Marvin Gaye versus Nine Inch Nails being a highlight for most people.

Scorpio Scorpio - Cock rock in a cardigan, Oz style. Proof that a band with only one member can fill a stage. The funniest moments were when he acted all gangster hardman - “This song’s about all the cunts i’ve killed”

Bullseye - Possibly the funniest thing ever in the whole world of everness. James from V/Vm really milked the Jim Bowen-isms for all they were worth, though I don’t remember Jim Bowen having hair like Toyah Wilcox. The prizes were truly awful - boy band video, Jive Bunny record, goldfish food and the very worst garden gnome in the history of the world. Congratulations to Alex Maroon and Dulcie Wood for winning and bringing a touch of glamour to the occasion.

Abominable Mister Tinkler - I’ve seen AMT more times than I can remember and somehow managed to miss most of the set this time. You can always expect a good show with Tinkler and this was no exception.

V/Vm - The special “Sick Love” set. James was especially dressed in a pink paisley top with massive pink hearts hand made by his girlfriend. Despite insisting that he wouldn’t, there was time a bit of rolling around on the floor to Meat Loaf and sometime during the set the infamous gnome was obliterated. It was a pity Fast Lady had to pull out, but the sheer hilarity of a crazy nothern bloke going mental in pyjamas on stage (and on the floor) made up for it.

Then there was little old me and problems abounded from the off. The DVD player at the arts centre wouldn’t play my VCD, but I was rescued by the loan of a brand spanking new player which I had a run and get myself in the pissing rain. Once the player was set up the disc played fine. Then it was just a case of waiting for the audience to turn up. I must confess that when the time came to actually play the film it did seem like I was the only person in the room watching it. An awful lot of people turned up for half past eight when the film was already half way through. Can’t really be helped I suppose. Plenty of positive feedback from people, but the film needed about three or four weeks more work to get it totally up to scratch. There’s a noticeable moment about three quarters of the way through when, if you watch the film enough times, you can see that I basically gave up trying to make the video match the audio.

If there’s a next time, then next time will be better!