BIAtch competion unedited text from mutebox

This is the complete text of the BIAtch competion posts on the Mutebox forum. Enjoy!

author - Doug AKA BIA
subject - Big In Albania's Big-Ish Announcement...
date - 24/04/2005
... will be here in 11 hours. watch this space
replies
author - Doug AKA BIA
date - 24/04/2005
Righty ho. Here we go then... the moment has arrived. The "Special Dedication" EP is finished. 10 minutes and 27 seconds of sheer romantic bliss. And Barry White swearing. I know the question on the tip of your collective tongues: How can i get hold of this mazin' EP?! Well, there are two ways. 1) Disguise yourself as Justin Badhand, steal his identity, kill Justin, hide the body, marry Helen yourself and take the copy i'm giving to them at the engagement party. CAUTION: this will require you to go ginger (and kill, obviously). 2) Post the words "I'm a total BIAtch" and your name in this thread. The first 10 people to do this will get a copy at Smash My Face In or by post if they're not attending said shindig. Everybody else is out of luck. There will be a total of 11 copies of the EP with proper artwork printed at my expense and then no more, except pirate copies you lot knock off for mates (feel free to do so), as this EP was made with every intention of being an extremely limited release. Plus it's crap, basically. This could be the last you hear of Big In Albania for a while. I've already decided it's time for a hiatus to collect material for a new release that could be some distance away. They'll be a compilation of earlier stuff at some point in the summer. You haven't seen the back of me just yet! Keep watching the skies…
author - two feet
date - 24/04/2005
sad, but I will buy into this one "I'm a total BIAtch"
author - Doug AKA BIA
date - 24/04/2005
I'll be keeping a running total for this baby. 9 copies to go, any more takers?
author - jocalaco
date - 24/04/2005
theres always room on my mp3 player "I'm a total BIAtch" god this is degradeing........i kind of like it ???
author - Doug AKA BIA
date - 24/04/2005
it's all in the name of true love.
author - racton
date - 24/04/2005
I'm a total BIAtch *hangs head in shame*
author - Mixomatosis
date - 24/04/2005
I am a total BIAtch. And a free CD-whore.
author - Doug AKA the BIAtchfuehrer
date - 24/04/2005
the tally so far... Dan Jo Racton Mixomatosis Only six more left.
author - SG
date - 25/04/2005
Give me a CD or I'll cancel the 19th May.
author - al
date - 25/04/2005
you can't cancel your own birthday! by the way i am a total BIAtch
author - SG
date - 25/04/2005
Give me the other six CDs or I'll cancel the 19th May again.
author - Doug AKA total bastard
date - 25/04/2005
Say the words, Staff, and ye shall receive...
author - SG
date - 25/04/2005
Please send me a CD. I need cheering up as it would appear that I've downloaded a trojan virus onto my dad's computer and killed it. I'm in big big trouble.
author - the mice
date - 25/04/2005
MUTHAFUCKAGIVEMEAGODDAMCDIAMABIATCH please
author - the mice
date - 25/04/2005
He. That last post sure screwed the front page. BTW, is it high time I redesigned this web site or something?
author - SG
date - 25/04/2005
Don't re-design it too much - it's so easy to use and does the business very wellI think. If it aint broke, don't fix it. Unless it's my dad's computer.
author - (nearly hairless) j badhand
date - 25/04/2005
i feel honoured to be getting a copy and not have to degrade myself for the privilege.
author - Jason
date - 25/04/2005
"I'm a total BIAtch"
author - Doug AKA BIA
date - 25/04/2005
Staff - i've something for you as a thank you for putting on the gig / birthday present anyway. You still have to say the words like everyone else though if you want a cd! Also, try the forum at www.spywareinfo.com if you can't get help elsewhere with your pc problemo. J - you're kind of degrading yourself anyway aren't you by having your head shaved? All in a good cause i suppose. I negelected to sponsor you for it when you were last in colchester, is it too late to stick me down for a fiver? The mice - Any chance you can stick a link on my member page for me at all please? The tab so far - Dan Jo Racton Mixomatosis Alex Rich Staff (soon, you know you'll give in eventually) 6 down, 4 to go. STOP PRESS!: I'm setting a closing date on this of midday saturday. All must kneel before me by then or else you won't get a cheap tacky cd.
author - j badhand
date - 25/04/2005
i manage to degrade myself at every opportunity. but yes, i will stick you down for a fiver. there will be some 'before and after' stuff up on the bad hand forum this week, once i have recovered from the trauma of not having any hair.
author - SG
date - 25/04/2005
I'm a total BIAtch and I'm going to kill you. Is the "present" cat food like last year?
author - The Late Doug AKA BIA (RIP)
date - 25/04/2005
Nope, it's something good this time (Louise didn't choose it) which you will like and so will James V/Vm. It comes with the V/Vm seal of approval in fact. And some slight water stains along one side. It's vintage, you see. Only three copies left up for grabs now, people. Don't miss out, everything must go etc!
author - louise
date - 25/04/2005
yes,doug,i am a total BIAtch & lovin' it! if you give me a cd i'll give you the dog lead back..
author - Doug AKA BIA (resurrected)
date - 25/04/2005
people are going to think i'm weird now!
author - louise
date - 25/04/2005
sorry doug,blame it on me-i'm sure anyone that knows about it knows it was my (drunken)idea,even if you did enjoy it!
author - Mr K
date - 25/04/2005
Hell, saying "I'm a total BIAtch" ...is no more degrading than letting everyone know I'm looking forward to seeing LCD Soundsystem on Saturday, don't you know it. So there, throw a disc at me at Smash My Face In
author - Doug AKA BIA
date - 25/04/2005
We're down to the last one, folks. Any takers?! I'll try not to throw a disc at you so hard it actually does smash your face in, Tobias.
author - Ross
date - 25/04/2005
I'm a Total BIAtch!! i can give you one of my CD's on the 19th Doug, but i dont recommend listening to it :) PS:I got the last one. Gutted!
author - Mr K
date - 25/04/2005
Yeah, probably best not to take it at it's most literal, I remember breaking my cheekbone in August last year, and that was insanely painful, though surely someone's face has to be smashed in on said night?
author - Floodman
date - 25/04/2005
I'll just hack into his PC and nick my copy :)
author - Doug AKA BIA
date - 26/04/2005
Slight flaw Adam, i'm deleting everything to do with this EP as soon as all the copies are burned. you'll have to steal off one of my minions instead. Pimping themselves is all they're good at. I HEARBY DELARE THE "SPECIAL DEDICATION" COMPETITION CLOSED!!!! The final results: Dan Jo Racton Mixomatosis Alex Rich Staff Louise Tobias Ross Everyone else can console themselves by remembering that although they may have missed out on this fabulous offer, they didn't wind up looking like a c*nt. Thank you and good night.
author - JOCALACO KING OF THE WILD FRONTIER !!!!!!
date - 26/04/2005
I resent that...."I'm a total BIAtch" OH f*@k i can't stop doing it...i need help ..or a sedative or somthing!!!!!
author - Jason
date - 26/04/2005
I wasn't on the list and yet I made comment
author - Doug AKA BIA
date - 26/04/2005
oops! slight oversight. You must have slipped through the cracks without me noticing, probably because i was too busy getting staff to degrade himself. I'll make you a copy anyway jason. This offer is most definitly closed now!
author - Jason
date - 26/04/2005
I often slip into cracks
author - Floodman
date - 26/04/2005
Three words Doug "file sector recovery". Go do some work!
author - Doug AKA BIA
date - 26/04/2005
i have help today. i can take it easy.
author - the mice
date - 26/04/2005
YOU'RE LOOKING FORWARD TO LCD SOUNDSYSTEM? GODDAM! WHY IS IT THAT I CAN ONLY WRITE IN CAPITALS THESE DAYS?
author - Mr K
date - 26/04/2005
Ahem, yes, because of a 2manyDJs 'aftershow,' "get in," as they say. ...and capslock? Yo yo yo. Sorry, I'm so bloody drunk.